Who wants to know 19 tips on how to start your long distance relationship the best way?
Is start a long distance relationship with someone you just met something you’re anxious about?
This question haunts every person who has just met someone online. It’s normal, and for a very good reason. Do you want to know her?
Your relationship is more than a virtual fantasy. It’s a twist.
It came as a surprise. Events have brought you to this point, to talk with this person.
To tell you the truth, you would never have imagined it a few days before.
« Me in a long distance relationship? Classic relationships are hard enough as it is, so if I add this problem, it’s impossible! »
Yet, something deep inside you wants to believe it.
And that’s terribly scary. What will you do if this relationship fails? Will you be condemned to stay single forever, looking for a match in the same city? Will you have the strength?
Admit that this question is running through your mind, that’s why you are looking for information on Google.
Asking this question to your close friends or family never crossed your mind: they would have a hard time putting themselves in your place and would tell you to come back down to earth…
Like « You’ll never meet him, he lives hours away! Who says he’s real, anyway? »
Don’t worry, you’re in the right place.
I started my international long distance relationship with my girlfriend a week before the Covid-19 epidemic.
- 10,000 kilometers and an ocean between France and Peru
- Between 6 and 7 hours of time difference
- The impossibility of projecting oneself in the future because of the closing of the borders
- A common language that is not our mother tongue: English
And guess what? We will celebrate our two years of relationship together in France, at the beginning of next year.
We’ve made mistakes, of course.
But we have also overcome them. You wouldn’t be reading this otherwise.
What if I told you exactly what the most common silly mistakes are, and how to avoid them?
You could sleep soundly.
You start a long distance relationship with someone you just met and want it to be the last one of your life?
For an ever more fulfilling long distance relationship, you can read these articles:
19 Advice for start a long distance relationship with someone you just met
1) Make sure the person you start your long distance relationship with doesn't think you're an asshole
The first tip on this list is obvious. But I’d rather remind you of it.
How would you react if after several weeks of talking day and night to someone you met on the internet, he tells you that he lied to you since the beginning, and that he has nothing to do physically with the pictures you saw?
If he asks you for money with a made-up lie?
I can’t count the number of stories and scams I’ve heard! And swallow your spit: it happens more often than you think. The damage is monstrous, and the after-effects remain for life:
- Loss of self-confidence
- Loss of confidence in others
- Feeling of having been betrayed
- Feeling of having wasted time
- And so on…
And the longer the time spent talking, the more the symptoms are amplified! Cases of depression in France are far from being rare. It is a serious phenomenon where the victims are counted in thousands.
So please: before start a long distance relationship, be 100000% sure that the person you are talking to is who he or she claims to be.
A simple video call is enough to know!
Then, pay attention to what he says and if his words are coherent. Finally, never send money over the Internet. This is the basis.
That was the first step. Now, here are some essential tips for thriving in the early days of your LDR.
2) Distance is not an excuse for less effort
I jumped in with both feet… Probably my biggest mistake in the beginning of our relationship.
I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t take distance « seriously » at all, at first.
I couldn’t imagine what it would do to my organization!
Because even if your partner is hundreds of miles away, in a couple you are both.
And thinking the other way around is bound to lead to arguments.
Why do I know this? Because I’ve lived it.
A long distance relationship is a relationship.
A real one.
With a capital R.
People who say otherwise are far from being in love like I am.
So cherish your partner.
Make him/her vibrate with pleasure and blush like a tomato! Don’t rest on your laurels and act like you’re in a traditional relationship.
Making less effort because you are at a distance is killing your relationship slowly, and leaving it in agony by ignoring his cries of pain.
3) Being curious and open-minded is key!
This advice was given to me by Guglielmo, from the instagram account @LDR.Inspiration
Starting a long distance relationship with someone you just met is about opening the door of your mind to new things.
You will potentially discover through your partner a new culture, habits of life completely different from yours, ways of thinking that you would have never imagined and traditions from another world.
Always be open to differences, and to what you will learn about your partner’s life. And he will do the same!
By doing this, you will grow together and make each other want to travel to see it all up close!
4) Trust (you have no choice)
How to start a long distance relationship in the best way possible: trust.
I’ll touch on this briefly, as I’ve already written a full article on how to deal with your jealousy from a distance.
In traditional relationships, excessive jealousy breaks couples into a million pieces every day.
So imagine in your situation, with hundreds (or thousands) of miles between you.
It’s just not possible. The fight is lost.
You might as well give up now and admit defeat.
If your partner has decided to start this LDR, it’s because he or she believes in it wholeheartedly. It’s not to waste your time. It’s because he loves you, and he believes it will work and that your long distance relationship is worth it.
So learn to trust, talk with him about your doubts and respect each other.
The next point gives you a simple but terribly effective technique to help you trust easily. It’s a pity that too few people apply it!
5) Establish common rules that are never broken
Be clear about this. Eradicate any doubt.
With Kyomi, we consider ourselves an « independent » couple.
What I mean is that we will never explicitly impose a rule on each other. We absolutely want to avoid that to keep our relationship healthy.
We’ve only made two exceptions: and we’ve branded them to remember that they’re light years away from being harmless. They are clear, bilateral and unchangeable exceptions.
We’ve been perfectly clear to apply these two rules.
We promised to do so by looking each other in the eye and giving our commitment.
From time to time, we remind ourselves of them. Just to know that they are there, always present around us.
Kind of like when you put your hand over your pocket to make sure your cell phone is still there, when you know for a fact it is.
Do the same in your long distance relationship. Never be excessive and avoid asking for the moon.
Every rule should go both ways and apply to both you and the other.
This will help you to start your long distance relationship in good conditions, and knowing the stakes behind it.
Now let’s talk about arguments. Yes, you won’t escape them!
6) How to start a long distance relationship the wrong way: going to bed with an argument
- With the time difference, you’ll both experience a moment alone, cogitating, without being able to talk with each other. In my case, it’s in the morning. The worst is for Kyomi, because because of this time difference, I go to bed when it is 6pm for her.
So she spends her evening thinking, and falling asleep always having this argument in the back of her throat.
And believe me, it’s unbearable! (she told me so)
- The first thought you’ll have when you get up is about that argument. And you’ll be in a bad mood the second you open your eyes. You’ve woken up to happier things.
I admit it. This point is pretty hard to apply. Even today, when we argue, we try to resolve the conflict before the next day, but it’s not always possible:
- Some arguments require more time than one day
- If the argument happens late at night
- The time difference amplifies everything
Keep in mind that distance and time difference amplifies everything.
With this in mind, your long distance relationship will only be better, in every way.
7) Ghosting your partner: an absolute disrespect
This advice was given to me by Emi, from @longdistance_comics
Still on the topic of arguments, if there’s one thing you should absolutely avoid, it’s not responding for a long time when you’re pissed off or upset.
It’s the worst decision you can make!
If you want to cut the discussion short, say so. « Look, I need some time, I don’t feel like talking right now. I’ll get back to you in the afternoon. »
That’s enough! Your partner won’t be glued to his phone wondering how upset you are. And if you think he deserves it, reverse the situation. It’s immediately less funny…
Ghoshing someone is disrespectful. And in a couple, respect is as vital as trust.
8) It was YOU who decided to be in a long distance relationship, so don't complain
Your family and friends will thank me. I hear too many people who have just started a long distance relationship complain that it’s too hard, that they are going through a situation 100 times more complicated than others, and that no one is legitimate to complain more than they are.
So yes, it’s hard.
Yes, you will have to make more efforts than the classic couples.
And yes, it’s annoying to see couples arguing over small things when we can’t see our partner when we want to.
But never forget that it is you who decided to start a long distance relationship.
No one forced you. No one did.
Would you like to have as a friend someone who goes to the gym with you every day and complains that the exercises are exhausting and that he or she is sore all day?
I don’t either!
So if you recognize yourself in my words, please don’t complain.
Learn to live with distance, and externalize your problems in another way.
Taking a look at this list of pros and cons will help you see more clearly
9) Celebrate every event as if you were there
When a special event happens, you will be tempted to stay in your comfort zone and do nothing special. « Everything is harder because of the distance. A simple video call will be enough ».
This is a classic mistake for couples starting their relationship from a distance.
I’ve been in this situation, and my girlfriend suffered from it.
Whether it’s passing an exam, a birthday, Christmas or achieving a goal, you need to celebrate together!
A little attention is enough!
Never forget that it’s the thought that counts.
Here is a list of 20 romantic and original gift ideas. Some are perfect as last minute gifts since they are dematerialized!
The minimum is to call each other on video.
Download my 26 LDR Challenges and Activities
One idea done every week
= 6 months of activities
10) start a long distance relationship: Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Everyone will tell you: communication is the basis, the foundation, the building blocks of your relationship.
Poor communication is a one-way ticket to a breakup.
Your pace of conversation will diminish over time. This is perfectly normal, don’t panic.
When I met Kyomi on a language exchange app, we spent the first month texting each other.
The second month, a little less
The third month also…
But is that bad? No!
We took the time to find out what rhythm of communication suited us, adjusting each week.
It’s up to you to organize yourself according to your needs, the time difference, your desires…
11) Video calls, messages or telephone: which is better?
I’m going to be direct: give preference to video calls as much as possible!
- You can see each other
- It’s friendly
- You will have more subjects of conversation
- You will have less communication problems (thanks to non-verbal language)
- You will be more involved in the conversation
You don’t have to call each other every day either. But if you’ve been talking on message for 30 minutes, switch to a call.
You have no idea how much closer it makes you feel, subconsciously.
If you haven’t made your first video call yet, here’s a complete guide to not being stressed like a schoolboy on the first day of school
12) A great source of comfort: a fetish object or an item of clothing
The question keeps coming up, and it’s a legitimate one: « don’t you miss your partner too much? »
Anyone in a long distance relationship has heard it hundreds of times, so be prepared!
If this is a huge issue in your life, I recommend you devour my article that helps you drastically reduce that feeling of missing.
One basic technique is to keep something that belongs to your partner. It can be an item of clothing or an object.
It has to be a material object that instantly makes you think of your partner. Kind of like music that reminds us of certain moments in your life.
If I say « Despacito », you have the summer of 2017 in mind, right?
13) Talk about your sexual frustration (or fulfillment)
We are human beings. We all have blood coursing through our veins and a beating heart. You can feel it right now.
Sex is part of our nature. And long distance relationships don’t mean being constantly frustrated and being condemned to pleasure yourself alone.
You should even be happy! In 2021, there are incredible solutions to share intimate and connected moments in a secure way.
The brand Lovense offers sex toys that can be controlled remotely by your partner, no matter where you are in the world. It’s absolutely crazy!
I love this brand, and that’s why I recommend it. This link is an affiliate.
A few years ago, this kind of gadget was just a fantasy!
But anyway, back to the point.
It’s a classic mistake among young couples in long- istance relationships: not talking about their sexual fulfillment.
It’s a delicate subject, taboo for some, but it remains a pillar in every relationship.
And it’s a recurring problem in LDR couples.
So talk about it! Tell your partner what place intimate pleasure takes in your life, if you are in demand or not, exchange on your frustrations and your fulfillment.
You are not in the head of the other, it will be difficult to guess.
14) Always know the next date of reunion. Always!
Read carefully the lines below. This point is very important!
I insist: you must always have in mind the date of your next reunion.
Not necessarily a specific day or even a week, but at least a month.
Why do you think that beyond preventing us from traveling, the coronavirus pandemic was unbearable for many LDR couples around the world?
Because no one knew when it would end.
It’s always easier to take pain if you know how long it will last.
You doubt it? Here are some examples. Under what circumstances do you think you would perform better? :
- Running a marathon, or running as long as possible?
- To last 2 minutes under water without breathing, or to last as long as possible?
- Wait 2 hours, or wait as long as possible
You’ve got it. With a goal, a precise date in mind, your mind increases tenfold. Just like your love.
Not knowing this date is turning your long distance relationship into an « easy » to « extreme » mode. It’s like sending a text message with boxing gloves on.
This simple information is crucial to your relationship. And it will help you imagine your future with your partner. This is the subject of the next part.
15) Project yourself: the goal of a LDR is to become a relationship at all
What would you do if after 6 months of heated discussions, an unforgettable first meeting and imaginative plans together, you realized that :
- You want to stay in your country because your parents are sick and need your support
- Your partner has just bought a house on credit and wants to stay there as long as possible
- You want to have children and a wedding relatively soon, within the next 3 years.
- Your partner prefers to take his time and has never considered having children one day
- You have always been bad at learning a foreign language, and your days are too full now.
- Your partner has never mentioned it. English is universal! It’s up to others to adapt.
Long distance relationships require you to project yourself into the future. More than in a classic relationship.
Understand that breaking the distance means making sacrifices, and stepping out of your comfort zone at every moment.
So if you leave these subjects on the side, you risk falling from the 9th floor.
And the fall will be painful. I can assure you of that.
My advice is to start talking about your future together after you first meet. Not before.
There’s no point in making plans before you meet someone in the flesh.
16) Involve your friends and family gradually in your LDR
Okay, this one really depends on your situation. As much as I love the saying « better alone than unaccompanied », I completely agree with it.
And it applies to both friendships and romantic relationships!
Kyomi was open about this to her parents from the beginning of our relationship. She was speaking English in front of them, so there were a lot of questions! To be honest, they were mostly afraid for her that I was a bad person.
As for me, I never really talked about it, without hiding it. It all came out naturally, and I let my loved ones put words to my relationship, correcting them if necessary.
Here are the benefits of including your friends and family in your LDR.
- It legitimizes your long-distance relationship, and shows that it is serious
- You will get advice and another point of view on your relationship
- They can help you through difficult times
- You will feel less distance, less gap between your life and your relationship
- You reassure them. Don’t forget that it’s abstract for others!
And here’s a way to get them
- Make video calls with your loved ones and your partner
- Ask them for advice about your relationship
- Talk about your future plans
- Ask your partner to give them a gift
If you feel that your family or friends will react badly when you tell them about your long distance relationship, keep it to yourself.
Once you get past the initial discussion, you’ll feel calmer.
It’s like dropping a 20 kilo bag on the ground that’s been on your shoulders since you’ve had it on your back: you feel so light afterwards!
No need to find lame excuses to spend time with your partner, stay glued to the phone most of the day or sneak out to make a video call.
You can breathe easy.
17) How to start a long distance relationship: talk about your problems, your uncertainties, your doubts
Distance acts as a duplicator. It amplifies everything:
- Positive and negative emotions
- The lack
- Small attentions
- Difficulty talking about certain topics
You will quickly realize that some issues will be difficult to discuss. Because you are not in front of each other and your non-verbal communication takes a back seat.
I strongly advise you to talk about the problems you have.
For the simple reason that if you have unresolved problems from a distance, imagine what they will be like when you see each other in person.
You’ll experience the snowball effect in pain.
You know it: it’s going to be worse!
They will blow up in your face and do more damage than a rain of shells.
Not talking about the problems you have from a distance (or worse, ignoring them) is like leaving a pressure cooker on the stove unattended. It’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s at times like these that you need to be patient and put your ego aside.
Remember that a couple that never argues is a couple that has communication problems.
18) Letting the routine set in is letting your relationship die a slow death
How do you start a long distance relationship without talking about it? That’s our struggle, on My Sweet LDR
On our homepage, this is what you can read first.
Because it’s so important. It’s even vital.
Letting routine set in is like putting a hammer to the wall every day. After several weeks or months, the wall will suddenly collapse. Without warning.
You never imagined that the few cracks you saw appearing could have made your wall so fragile.
So if you want your relationship not to be that wall, chase the routine like a cockroach.
Diversify your activities. Find new things to talk about. Make plans together. Get out of your comfort zone.
We offer many different resources to break the routine and keep the wall intact. Of all the feedback we get, the list of 26 Challenges to do remotely is the best.
So go ahead! Take our destiny into your own hands and download this free list. It will help you as it has helped hundreds of other LDR couples.
That’s why we created it, after it saved our relationship from getting boring.
19) Connect to other LDR couples
The long distance relationship community is one of the best in the world. It is extremely caring! This is mainly due to two reason:
- The common enemy (distance)
- The fact that long distance relationships are not widespread, and have a general bad opinion
And yes… we are all in the same boat! We’re all going through the same thing: continuing to thrive despite the difficulties.
When you talk to another person in this situation, you know that they are going through the same things you are.
It’s even more true when it happens to you in real life. A glance is usually enough to say, « I understand you. I also know how hard it is. But I also know how much it’s worth it ».
When you belong to a small community in which few people understand you, you are extremely close to each other.
Long distance relationships are the same as Parkour. This sport is still relatively unknown in France, and we are subject to a lot of hallucinating interpretations… thieves, disrespectful, stupid and so on… when it’s just the opposite.
So when I meet someone who also practices my passion, we instantly develop a stronger bond than two people doing soccer or tennis, for example.
So join a community of long distance connectors! Whether it’s to talk about your feelings, get support, advice or ideas, you can only get good things out of it.
You can join Facebook groups, follow Instagram accounts like mine, go on Reddit… the possibilities are endless.
But stay connected, you and your partner. There is strength in numbers, never forget that.
You started your long distance relationship in the best way: now what?
I’d like to tell you that the hardest part is behind you and that this will guarantee you a long and fulfilling relationship.
You’re leaving with a big advantage. That’s true. But the hard part is still ahead of you.
You’ll have to come up with new ideas to avoid the devastating routine. You’ll have to adapt to this new lifestyle to avoid misunderstandings. And you’ll have to think about the future of your relationship.
Here are some articles from My Sweet LDR that should help you:
105 activities to do from a distance and kill routine for months
Does your partner know you well? 35 questions to find out
31 essential tools to improve your LDR
You’ve taken the first step, and it’s really cool. Your long distance relationship has a stronger foundation than The Rock.
If you’re able to avoid the big mistakes that newbies make, you have a really good chance of making it.
Long distance relationships are possible. There are thousands of people who stand the test of time, and end up getting physically close for life. It takes dedication (a lot), and talent (just a pinch), but this life is worth it.
Now it’s up to you to put the maximum amount of luck on your side. And a solid foundation is an engine to propel your relationship to the stars.
Routine and lack of ideas are spoiling your long distance relationship?
We can talk about it together and find a tailor-made solution!
I offer FREE coaching sessions on My Sweet LDR.
Places are limited to 3 per month.
Book your free call by clicking here and let’s discuss your situation together so I can give you my best advice and a detailed action plan.
Download my 26 LDR Challenges and Activities
One idea done every week
= 6 months of activities
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We are Léo & Kyomi, a French-Peruvian couple in a long distance relationship since 2019. Welcome to this blog entirely dedicated to this way of life.
We decided to create
My Sweet LDR
to help people who want to live their relationship serenely and who don’t know how to do it.
To read our entire story
you can click just here !