How to stay busy for hours with only 35 LDR questions to ask
« Pff…I don’t have any more talking points. After all this time, I have no more LDR questions to ask. »
It’s inevitable. You unlock your phone, call your partner and start talking.
The exchanges flow as quickly as they fade. Past the small talk, you quickly go in circles.
Nothing new has happened since the last call. It’s getting harder and harder to get a real feel for each other and not see time passing.
You feel like the honeymoon phase is already behind you and you haven’t been able to enjoy it.
You feel uncomfortable.
The blanks in your conversations feel like a sledgehammer to your head.
You question everything:
- « If we have nothing to say to each other now, what will happen later, when we meet? »
- « Is this long-distance relationship really worth it? »
Let me tell you something: you are light years away from knowing your partner.
You don’t believe me? That’s fine. Can you tell me:
- If your partner is satisfied with his or her educational background?
- If your partner knows the national anthem of his country?
- Your partner’s last regrettable purchase?
- His or her best memory from last year?
- Or would your partner like to enjoy his or her retirement?
Don’t know any of these answers? I knew it.
If not, you can leave this page right now. I’d rather be honest: this article is not for you! Instead, I’d recommend these 35 questions that test your knowledge of your partner.
Great LDR Questions to ask, it's like opportunities
They are all around us. The hardest thing is to seize them.
And you know what?
If you’re reading this, you’ve just seized one.
In this article, I’m going to ask you 35 original questions to get to know someone better and to know if he or she is right for you.
And if you want to go further and find out if this person you are messaging so much is the right one, then you are in the right place.
But I’ll talk about that later.
Let’s get to the LDR questions to ask!
For an ever more fulfilling long distance relationship, you can read these articles:
My technique for talking for more than 30 minutes without blanking out with just one question
Before I propose the LDR questions to ask, I’ll give you the recipe for a successful question.
The kind of nugget that will surprise your interlocutor and bring a real topic of discussion to the table.
I’m going to cut to the chase and get straight to the point: if the question is well asked, you can spend hours answering it.
Do you see the difference between:
A: « Do you like going to the movies? »
B: « What movie would you recommend seeing absolutely at the cinema and not at home? »
A: « What is your favorite food? »
B: « If we were to go to a restaurant tomorrow, what would you like me to try? »
A: « Is ecology an important cause for you? »
B: « What do you do on a daily basis that has an ecological impact? »
Let me explain why A questions are worthy of a fifth grader (and why you should avoid them):
1) The answer is closed and does not encourage discussion
The answer is « yes » or « no ».
It’s hard to bounce back from. And if you hate movies, know nothing about ecology and your favorite food is KFC, you’ll only want to move on to the next question and hope it’s better.
So yes, you can extend the exchange by a few seconds by asking « What about you? » but the problem remains the same.
Your discussion will lack fluidity and you will feel like you are forcing yourself.
2) The answer is only binding for the person who answers
As you probably know, discussions are like a game of ping-pong. Exchanges are vital to having a fun match.
If the answers leave the person you’re talking to totally uninterested, you might as well talk to a wall.
If you want to engage the person in front of you, involve them in your question (as I did in example #2).
This is easily done by imagining an everyday situation where you are both together.
3) The answer does not imply any emotional involvement
We are human beings, never forget that!
I bet you could talk for hours about your passion. You know why? Because your emotional involvement is extremely powerful
This is the most important thing.
Asking a question that engages your opinions and values engages and empowers you.
Because ideas and tastes are divisive issues: maybe your partner fell asleep from boredom watching your favorite movie or hates a country you love.
It is absolutely not a problem to disagree!
Exchanging ideas is extremely boring if you have the same point of view. Be polite, respect your partner’s point of view and everything will be fine. Assume your way of thinking!
Good. Let’s move on to the 35 LDR questions to ask each other.
35 LDR Questions to ask each other
1) What’s the biggest problem you’ve had while traveling?
Whether it was 20 kilometers from home or 10,000, it counts! The travel problems have an advantage: it gives great stories to tell!
I’d like to tell you about the time I was stranded for 12 hours at the Athens airport because of a storm; when I had to be repatriated to my country because of the pandemic or when a bat bit my lip in the middle of the night in the middle of the Amazonian forest…
Again, it’s easy to bounce around on this kind of anecdote. You can spend 40 minutes on this simple question and not see the clock ticking.
2) What do you routinely take when you leave the house?
Each of you tell an anecdote that has marked you. Explain why you systematically take this object with you. Illustrate your comments with examples!
3) Can you tell me about an important moment in your life that you had with a friend?
It can be a proud moment, a funny moment, a moment of fear, of stress, of success, of hardship… I’m sure you have dozens of anecdotes that always make the person you’re telling it to laugh!
4) At what point in your life did you make your parents proud?
The perfect question for storytelling! We’ve all made our parents proud at least once. Start with your personal successes and explain how your parents were involved. From near or far.
And if you have trouble remembering a particular moment, talk about the last activity you did with them.
5) How can someone earn your trust?
Share the qualities and flaws you look for in a person. Focus on actions, not words, so that you can easily illustrate what you are saying.
For example: « I helped one of my friends with financial problems, he paid me back in full a few months later ».
6) What do you do to kill boredom?
Think about the last time you had to wait: a waiting room, a line, a morning without work… Think about how a typical day goes.
7) What is your worst daily habit?
« I really should stop doing this… » is typically the kind of phrase associated with these bad habits. It could be related to an addiction, diet, a personality issue, a criticism you are frequently told… like the next question!
8) How often do you buy new clothes?
I’m absolutely different from my girlfriend in this respect. You might be surprised! Take the opportunity to probe further by asking what kind of clothes he buys most often, his favorite, if he prefers branded clothes or not…
9) Why did you wait in line for so long?
Whether it’s for a movie, a concert, an important appointment or the release of the new Iphone, every moment of waiting is an opportunity to tell an anecdote or a story.
Take advantage of it and get into the details!
10) Are you currently very close to your family?
This is a rather personal question. Feel free to ask more questions that revolve around family: siblings, cousins, when you see each other, what they like to do for a living…
11) When you were a teenager, did you tend to rebel against your parents?
To go further, talk about the stupid things you did as a teenager!
How you lived your years between 10 and 15 or look back on yourself and your behavior during those years.
12) Which of your friends would you like to introduce me to first?
Think about what the person you are talking to has in common with one of your friends. Imagine the meeting, the context, the topics of discussion, the complicity…
It allows you to project yourself and imagine what your future together could look like!
13) What was the worst job you ever had
Personally, I washed hospital rooms during two years of school. It’s not rewarding, but when you’re 18 it gives you a little money for the beginning of the school year!
Tell each other about the first job you ever had with all the anecdotes that go with it.
14) What’s the unmentionable secret of your job?
You’ve talked about your first job, now talk about your current one! But don’t ask the obvious questions: here, reveal a secret about your job that no one would imagine.
For example, what teachers say about students, double meaning sentences that are difficult to understand, excessive charges…
Generally speaking, this is the kind of information that could cause damage if it got out…
15) What do you find prohibitive in a relationship?
We all have different sensibilities. Talk about the flaws that prevent you from going further in a relationship.
Think about mental flaws, but also physical ones! Both count.
16) If you could know more about one thing in my life, what would it be?
I love these open-ended questions. The possibilities are endless and you can largely bounce off of what the person in front of you is going to ask you.
Feel free to end your explanation with « do you want me to elaborate on a particular point? »
17) What did you know about my country (or region) before you met me?
A trick question, but one that can lead to a good laugh! When I met Kyomi, my Peruvian girlfriend, her country was only Machu Picchu and lamas. I was a little ashamed, I admit it!
If you play along, you can spend hours answering this question, bouncing around and learning new things.
18) What activity did you do for the first time that didn’t go as planned?
Another storytelling question you’ll love! If absolutely nothing comes to mind, think about the last time you tried a new activity and express yourself on it.
Your feelings, your apprehension, where it was, with whom, if you were disappointed or not… The list is long!
19) Have you ever participated in an event
Simply answering « Yes » or « No » would be too simple… This question allows you to discuss the political aspect and situation of your two countries.
And if you know nothing about politics, talk about the latest scandals!
No matter which country you are in, none of them are exempt from the rule. In the middle of the year, a man slapped the French president to express his displeasure. Accompany your answers with videos, photos, articles to illustrate them! You will make your exchanges more lively and fluid.
20) What is the best movie to see with your group of friends?
Everyone watches movies. But some of them are cooler to see with friends! (I think of Rasta Rocket for example, or horror movies).
Don’t hesitate to go further by asking the question but with different people: your boyfriend, your parents, a stranger, to fall asleep…
And if you like the game, do the opposite! What movie should you absolutely NOT watch with your parents, your girlfriend, your friends…
Download my 26 LDR Challenges and Activities
One idea done every week
= 6 months of activities
LDR Questions to ask each other: the last 15
21) What song do you love but don’t assume in public?
Perfect to lighten the mood and share your musical tastes! Mine? Mayores, by Becky J.
A song about sugar daddies… in my defense, I didn’t understand the lyrics the first time I heard it!
22) If you had to do an initiation to a sport, which one would you choose?
I love this question because we can talk about it for hours! Which sport impresses you the most? Which one do you find the most dangerous? What do you think of extreme sports professionals? What sport did you excel in at school?
Anyway, you get the idea!
23) What would you like to cook for me if I were in front of you?
Or how to indirectly know if the person you are talking to likes to cook, if he/she is good at it, his/her culinary preferences or if he/she wants to surprise you.
So many topics that can be easily exploited with a single question. It’s a gift!
24) What animal in the wild would you like to see?
This question mixes the « dream » and « animal » sides. Two elements of discussion that lead to exchange, sharing and discussion.
It is then up to you to bounce off the answer. If you are talking about polar bears, do some research on this animal, where it lives, what it eats…
25) Have you ever experienced something that challenged any of your beliefs?
A pretty deep and personal question. It can be difficult to answer, just like that. Here are some ways that might help you: religion, superhuman physical effort, technology that allows for incredible feats, uncommon therapeutic cases.
Think of something you wouldn’t have believed if you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes.
26) What was the last item you stole from a store?
A LDR question that allows you to learn a little more about the personality.
Don’t hesitate to ask the context and ask for more details: where, when, why, with whom, the consequences…
27) At a party, are you usually the one who dances in the middle of the floor, or the one who stays on the couch talking?
We stay in the personality aspect. This kind of question is much better than: « are you an introvert or an extrovert? » and it can bring out common points.
Go further by imagining an evening with people, and you two.
28) Have your parents ever seen you drunk?
Perfect segue into the party! Let’s talk about the moments that can be awkward! Again, don’t settle for a « yes » or « no ».
Talk about the context! These are the kinds of stories that can be really funny to hear.
And if the answer is « No, » ask for an anecdote that involves alcohol (or a shameful situation) and parents.
Think about family dinners, especially at Christmas. It works every time!
29) Do you snack between meals?
The kind of detail that’s hard to know if you haven’t met before. Extend the question by asking what kind of food, around what time, if you get up at night to eat…
30) If you had to choose three characters from a TV show or movie to describe yourself, who would you choose?
Here’s a clever idea to ask someone to describe themselves without it being too awkward. You avoid the « job interview » type questions that everyone hates.
It’s also an opportunity to talk about TV shows, share your favorites or the latest one you devoured.
31) What’s the scariest moment in your life?
And I’m not talking about horror movies here! I mean, scared in real life.
Think about the different forms of fear: stress, danger, emptiness, apprehension about a situation, pain…
32) What would you like to accomplish one day in your life, and what is stopping you from doing it right now?
We all have dreams. You are the first! Think about it. What do you dream of accomplishing?
Then look at it realistically: what’s stopping you from doing it? And let’s say you decided YES or YES to do it. Explain how you would do it!
For example, meet a star like Ed Sheeran or play soccer with Leo Messi. How would you do it?
33) Do you think we’ll see each other in person before next year?
The LDR questions in this article were designed for people who are just starting out in their relationship. I know that many of you have been in a relationship for several months (or even years) and have never seen each other before.
So be honest! And to take it a step further, come up with a plan (imaginary or not) on how you would do it. It’s super fun in addition to being ultra helpful!
34) What do you think of people who met via Tinder?
Who hasn’t heard « Tinder to find love? It’s like going to McDonald’s every day to lose weight ». Yet, I know couples who are still together today after years and met on Tinder.
What is your opinion on this application?
Do you think it is possible to meet true love on this application? And argue! It’s always interesting to expose your point of view.
35) If you could learn to play an instrument instantly, what would it be and why?
Most people answer guitar or piano. What about you? Feel free to tell stories of music to accompany!
Most LDR couples quickly exhaust topics of discussion by not exploiting closed-ended answers.
This article ends here.
But wait, I have one last thing to say before I leave you:
- Did you enjoy it?
- Did you learn anything about your partner?
- Did it help you?
If so, there’s something you need to know.
These questions are only the surface of the iceberg:
These 35 questions are from my new Ebook « 365 Questions to Know if he’s the One ».
If you’ve made it to the end of this list and want to go further, I invite you to discover 335 more questions to get to know your partner better.
You’ll continue to spend entire evenings without seeing the time pass!
I’ve also included 3 bonuses:
- A modifiable grid so you don’t come back to the same questions
- 10 tips to avoid blanks in a discussion
- 3 mini-games to play together, from a distance
Discover the complete Pack N°1 » 365 questions to know if it’s the right one « .
Download my 26 LDR Challenges and Activities
One idea done every week
= 6 months of activities
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We are Léo & Kyomi, a French-Peruvian couple in a long distance relationship since 2019. Welcome to this blog entirely dedicated to this way of life.
We decided to create
My Sweet LDR
to help people who want to live their relationship serenely and who don’t know how to do it.
To read our entire story
you can click just here !