How to make a successful first video call in LDR
There is a moment that you have lived, or will live. I promise you. That anxiety, when you were proposing or accepting the first LDR video call.
You were used to the messages. You have settled little by little, in his daily life. This person for whom feelings are born reads you, comfortably installed in his bed, the phone in his hands.
You know it’s time to take the plunge. You knew it all along. You started this first conversation to discover her, to exchange more with this person. And why not change your life.
And you’re wondering what she’s going to think when you finally see each other, live.
Here is the truth: it can go wrong
Lying is out of the question: you can destroy everything in an instant, and never him again. It’s happened before. And all your efforts will be in vain.
You want to avoid this problem?
That’s easy. There are essential points to respect.
I describe them in detail in this article. It’s just below, enjoy your reading.
Phone call or video call: what to choose?
Let’s start by answering a question that often comes up:
Is it better to start with a phone call, or directly with a video call?
- On the one hand, the phone call is less engaging and less personal. You’ll also feel perfectly comfortable talking without having that horrible feeling of being judged. Unfortunately, you’ll have to make do with the few photos he or she sends you.
- On the other hand, the video call. It’s the perfect opportunity to finally get to know this person for whom you’ve had this little thing for a few days. On the other hand, the preparation and the stress are like an anvil.
It is your confidence, your shyness, the feeling you have that will decide the right way to go.
Here are some recommendations.
- If you are uncomfortable with the idea of showing up, start with a phone call. Take it step by step. No one learned to swim the front crawl before the breaststroke.
- If you’re apprehensive about the phone call, send voice mails first. If it’s your first time, you’ll feel ridiculous. No lie! I reassure you, after a few dozen you will quickly get used to it.
It’s like jumping into the water! Once you’re in, it’s good.
- If you disagree, go with the other person. You are getting to know someone and their personality. Give them space and time, if they need it. We all have a different background and a different way of expressing our emotions, and this is even more true if you have a different nationality.
Note: Most of the tips you are about to read apply to video calls, but are valid for calls as well, such as the sections « Preparing for the video call », « Lowering apprehension », « What to talk about » and « Ending the call ».
Let’s get to the heart of the matter: preparing your long distance relationship first video call.
Before the first video call
Before answering the « How », we need to validate the « When ».
Not to mention the time to make your video call. But if you feel ready, if it is the right time.
To use the example of a swimmer (we’ll call him John), he must first ask himself if he likes swimming, the contact with water, if he is comfortable in a bathing suit… before asking himself How to swim.
When to make the first call?
I advise you to do it rather quickly for several reasons:
- You can have an indescribable feeling in writing and have nothing to say to each other face to face.
- You will confirm that physically, there is no problem.
What would you do if after 6 months of exchanging daily messages, you realize that something is bothering you when you see this person live?
You’d look stupid… and you’d regret finding out after all this time!
A bit like a student who learns to speak ancient Greek before realizing that it is a dead language…
I suggest you make your first LDR video call after 3000-5000 messages sent. I hate to say « after X weeks » because everyone speaks at their own pace. In any case, don’t take too long!
Especially if you are starting to develop feelings or a strong attachment to this person.
If you don’t want to burn out, make sure you send :
- Voice messages
- Short videos
After you do this, in addition to the hundreds of messages you’ve sent, you’ll want to take the next step. And even if you are anxious, tell yourself that the other person is just as anxious! (Even if they’re avoiding saying it. Trust me).
Now let’s see how to prepare well and not impose yourself when faced with the unexpected.
Prepare the first ldr video call: apply these 9 techniques
Are you torn between a feeling of excitement, impatience and doubt? That’s normal. How do you think I feel, me?
You only get one chance to make a good first impression! If you miss it, you can never go back. Here are my 8 techniques to prevent this drama from happening.
- Find a quiet place
There’s nothing more horrible than having ambient noise that makes it hard to hear the person in front of you. And it’s just as annoying for her to have to repeat her sentences.
So find an isolated place, close the windows and turn off the noisy objects!
- Don’t leave room for distraction
If you are constantly interrupted by your dog, your parents calling you, your phone notifications or anything else, your potential partner will conclude that you don’t give a damn. And he’ll be right. If it happens once or twice, no problem.
Beyond that, it will start to be too much. Put yourself in his shoes.
- Be alone
I hate it when someone looks at what I’m writing on my computer, or listens in on my conversations. It’s a private matter! If you’re like me and want to avoid this problem, it’s best to be alone in a room.
The second advantage is that you will remain natural without the feeling that someone is listening to you!
- Make sure you have a good internet connection
A recurring problem for all LDR couples! If you know that your connection is a pain, find solutions: an Ethernet cable, 4G…
If you want to test your connection, make a video call to one of your friends or family members a few days before. You’ll make them happy!
- Know the software you are using (the unknown is terrifying)
This is a secondary point, but it should be taken into account. Download and familiarize yourself with the software you are going to use.
If you use Whatsapp or Messenger, it will be easy. Skype or Zoom requires some training.
- Think about the battery of your phone or computer
How many times has it happened to me that the call cuts off because my phone suddenly goes off… The few minutes that will allow you to get back in touch will be enough to break the dynamics of your call, believe me!
It’s catchable, but if you can charge your computer or phone at the same time, it’s even better (or have its charger handy).
- Most important: take care of your background
Close your eyes: your first LDR video call is going great. You discover that you have something in common every second, your feeling is worthy of a romantic Hollywood movie… You think it’s too good to be true! And in the course of the conversation, your partner asks you « Hey, show me in the room where you are, I am curious! »
And that’s the drama. Your dirty clothes are lying on the floor, there are still packages of cakes on your bedside table and glasses on your desk… You will feel embarrassed to show it, for sure.
So you can row and find an excuse to avoid the drama. It’s going to be hard… I hope you have trained shoulders, if you don’t want to mess up your call.
Or you can simply tidy up the room you are in, and keep in mind what will be directly visible behind you during the call. You can even purposely leave valuables on display to start conversations.
A sentence that begins, « What’s with all those medals behind you? Did you win any competitions? » is bound to lead to a better discussion than « Don’t you ever make your bed? »
- Take care of yourself
I just talked about your environment, but it all applies to you too! So take a shower, do your hair, in short take care of your appearance!
Don’t overdo it either. You don’t go out to a nightclub. A minimum will always please. The person in front of you will see that you have made an effort, and that is what you are looking for.
- Have enough time on your hands
Last crucial point: you must be sure that you will have enough time to talk and discover yourself. A first video call that lasts 10 minutes doesn’t make sense to me if you want to go further and consider this person as a potential partner.
Count on at least 30 minutes. That’s the minimum!
John bought himself a nice bathing suit, his goggles. He wets his neck and walks slowly into the shallow end. Everything is perfect, except for one detail!
Does he feel mentally ready to jump into the water?
The state of mind is as decisive as all the preparation you have just read. Let’s see how to reduce this apprehension easily and quickly.
That’s it, you’ve made up your mind! Before long, you’ll be making your first LDR video call. You have chosen a date that suits you, and you have prepared your environment.
Here are my final tips that I recommend you apply 20 to 30 minutes before the call begins.
- The context (feeling good mentally)
Not to mention your possible stress, are you in a good mood to make that first call? If your head is elsewhere, if you’ve had a bad day or if you’re not feeling great, there’s no point in forcing yourself!
You need to be 100% focused and in top shape to stay focused. This will allow you to be more serene and easily reduce your apprehension.
- The preparation
If you’ve followed everything you’ve read so far, then you’re tremendously well prepared and your conditions for your first long distance video call are optimal.
It’s like an exam: if you’ve studied for it in the days leading up to it, it will go well, because you’ll have arrived prepared.
- Plan an activity to do at the end of your call to shorten the exchange and avoid blanks
A great technique to apply in case of a hard time! It is possible that during this video call, you realize that the feeling is bad, or even worse: non-existent. You may have idealized the person in front of you too much.
In short, it may stop suddenly. No shame in that! It has happened before and it will happen again.
If you’re in the situation where you only want to do one thing (i.e., take your lumps), you need to find an excuse to shorten the call.
- Put it in perspective: if you’re ready to make your first LDR video call, you’re doing fine so far
Fill your lungs with air.
Take a deep breath.
Everything is going to be fine! Keep in mind that there are two of you in this event. The person in front of you is already interested. Put yourself in perspective and keep your confidence. If you get too stressed, read this article again.
With all my advice, you will be able to manage your emotions. Your heart will still beat as if you were running a 100 meters when she calls you: it’s normal, you are human. If we could act directly on our feelings, life would be boring, right?
Now let’s move from theory to practice. Dring dring, it’s time to pick up!
During your LDR first video call
We remember our first times perfectly.
The first day in high school, the first time we drove, the first time we saw our partner on a video call…
Personally, I remember exactly where I was, what time it was, and my state of mind (pretty anxious!). I could even tell you that it was cloudy, but not raining.
You’re in for a treat with this LDR first call, so don’t miss a beat!
What you will discover:
- His voice
If you’ve never sent each other voice messages or videos of course!
- His gestures and non-verbal communication
Experts say that non-verbal communication represents between 70 and 93% of our communication.
Whether this is true or not, you will notice his mimics, gestures and body language. You can use this as a topic of conversation or to highlight commonalities! « For example, you often bite your upper lip, just like I do.
- Confirming the feeling
John is a popular person. Through his membership in the swim club, he has been able to make friendships. Some are like brothers, while others are just « acquaintances ».
When he’s not swimming, he spends his time playing online video games with his swimming friends.
And it’s funny, because his best friends in real life are different from the ones he laughs with the most when he starts up his PlayStation.
Why? Because the feeling is completely different between real life, and virtual. You can spend nights texting with someone and not be able to hold a conversation for 10 minutes with that same person. The first video call in a long distance relationship will tell you that.
- Physical appearance
Photos are not enough to know if you find someone physically attractive. Without even talking about the veracity of the photos, there is the posture, the charisma, the look…
It is usually the physical appearance that couples in a long distance relationship expect to discover the most.
- If it is a scam or a catfish
This first LDR video call allows you to know who you are talking to and to avoid scam or catfish. Since it engages part of our identity, we open up part of ourselves to the person in front of us.
It’s a great way to be sure that the person you’re talking to is sincere and real.
Usually, people pretending to be someone else stop before the video call.
Now I’m going to give you several talking points you can have, and what topics are worth talking about on a first video call in a long distance relationship.
8 Conversation topics for a first long distance relationship video call
You may want to keep these ideas on hand if you’re afraid you won’t know what to say. Write them down on a piece of paper and place it behind your screen.
I want to make it clear that feeling and conversation topics are intimately related. If you are both involved in your discussion, the topics will come naturally.
Bouncing on her words will be quite natural. Here are some tips though!
- Gestures and the way you speak
As I told you before, you can find commonalities and topics of conversation based on his gestures. If you notice that an expression comes up a lot in his sentences, ask him if it is common in his country.
Then follow up by asking them to tell you other expressions…
- « Is this the first time you’ve made this kind of call? »
You can start with this one. It will make you feel better and let her know you’re stressed.
- If she says « No, » ask her if she’s used to making video calls, how she felt about the first one, any advice she’d have to give. It adds an innocent side that can be cute!
- If she answers « Yes », talk about your feelings, your state of mind and especially reassure her!
This is a good way to start your first LDR video call.
3. Talk about what you’ve already discussed
Never hesitate to bring up ideas for discussion, even if you’ve already talked about them. Depending on the context, you may be able to talk in a different way or with a different approach.
The world is changing as your relationship is changing: yesterday’s information is no longer today’s information. Keep this in mind!
4. Unveil your environment
Blanks happen. It’s even quite common! You’ll look at each other stupidly in the eyes, with a little smirk on your face… Even today, it happens to us every day!
And it is in this kind of situation that you have the doors wide open for this new topic of discussion: the environment!
Ask her to show you the room she is in, and talk about it. You can spend hours talking about it, if you have a good feeling. And naturally, she will ask you the same thing.
And everything will be fine, because you will have prepared everything.
- Have fun with an Ice Breaker game
A question and answer game is very appropriate. You can find thousands of them on Google. I like this one, personally.
The questions are pretty special and help you get a better sense of someone’s personality. You won’t get personal and boring information!
If you like a challenge, you can play Truth or Dare special Long Distance Relationship.
- Talk about yourself as little as possible
People love to talk about themselves. They prefer that to listening to others. You may disagree with me, but you’re kidding yourself. Our human nature is built that way.
Focus the talking points on your partner, not you! Let her talk. In any case, if you have a good feeling, she will return the question.
- What will you do after your call, and why is this interesting?
Your life will continue after you hang up. When you feel the call is nearing the end, you can converse about what you’re going to do next. If you forget about it, the subject will come up naturally enough.
If you simply say, « I’ll leave you to it, I have to take care of my little brother for the evening, » your partner will assume that you are a responsible person, who can be trusted. Simple and effective.
You can even go a step further and describe everything you are going to do with the rest of your day!
- Reassure yourself by sharing your emotions about that first call
Finally, the last topic of discussion you should have during your long distance relationship first call is your feelings.
Tell us what’s on your mind: how it went, how you felt at the beginning of the call and at the end, the differences between what you imagined and the reality…
You must imperatively (if you had a feeling of course) end this call on a good note, and propose a date for the next one.
Now that I’ve given you some talking points, I’ll tell you about two common mistakes that should be avoided as much as possible.
Please avoid these 2 mistakes
Please! Don’t ruin all your efforts in a second because of this!
- Taking screenshots
Unless you have agreed among yourselves, avoid taking screenshots. First of all, because the quality will be lousy, but also because it can disturb the person in front of you.
Would you like someone to take a picture of you without your knowledge?
The worst is if you are the king of awkwardness and your partner realizes it… Never forget that trust is earned with years but can be taken with seconds.
- Having a shifty look
A problem that can be hard for some to solve, as it can be part of your personality. If you are intimidated, know that the person in front of you is too! Be confident and don’t spend your time avoiding their gaze.
You must smile! If you come across as a gloomy, pessimistic person, you will give off the wrong impression.
A recruiter who has been hesitating for days between two candidates for a position will base his decision on this.
That’s it, you’ve reached the end of your long distance relationship first call. Here are my final recommendations to make your partner addicted to your personality and charm.
End the call
- Thank her!
Thank her for the time spent. It’s always extremely nice to know that you’ve succeeded in providing strong emotions. This is typically the kind of innocent phrase that can create smiles for the rest of the day.
- Have a good reason to leave
If you have no plans after your call, avoid saying so. The person in front of you will conclude that you want to cut the call short for reason X or Y. It is necessary that your call be interrupted by an external element.
- This prevents the discussion from running out of steam and you from leaving because you have nothing more to say
- You prove that you are an active person who knows how to manage his time
- You multiply your partner’s desire to make another LDR video call
- Send her a message to go over how it went
You can send her a message a few minutes or hours after you hang up.
Because you’ll be giving your opinion cold, with hindsight. In this way, you affirm your thoughts and feelings having reflected. You confirm that the call went wonderfully well.
This mechanism works wonderfully well for classic dating. It’s a simple but valuable message that confirms your willingness to continue to discover this person.
The hardest part is the first two minutes
Video calls are essential in a long-distance relationship. I’m not going to lie to you: to do without is to shoot yourself in the foot.
The first one is always the hardest to accomplish.
- Because it’s new.
- Because you’re exposing yourself to someone you don’t fully know.
- Because your relationship is moving into high gear.
Fortunately, you’ll get the hang of it. And faster than you can imagine. Soon, you’ll be answering right after you get up, still in your pajamas brushing your teeth.
Does this mean it’s the end of your relationship?
Absolutely not, on the contrary. You’ll start behaving exactly as if the distance had never existed. Your desire to go even further and make your relationship real will come naturally.
And that’s the dream of every LDR couple.
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We are Léo & Kyomi, a French-Peruvian couple in a long distance relationship since 2019. Welcome to this blog entirely dedicated to this way of life.
We decided to create
My Sweet LDR
to help people who want to live their relationship serenely and who don’t know how to do it.
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you can click just here !