First time sex in a long distance relationship: 10 things to know
Are the plane tickets about to be picked up (or are they already in your inbox and you’re about to have sex for the first time in your long distance relationship?
This article is for you.
My girlfriend lives over 6500 miles away from me.
I’ve put together with her the top 10 tips to follow to make the first time in a LDR go perfectly.
By applying each of our tips, you will find the answer to many questions and know what to do before the meeting, and during.
Let’s get started!
For an ever more fulfilling long distance relationship, you can read these articles:
First time sex in a long distance relationship: my 10 tips
1) Make arrangements before your first meeting
Talking with your partner on the internet is not as engaging as going to see him or her in person.
In the case of long-distance relationships, it is generally necessary to buy plane tickets, to find availability over several days, to organize yourself several months in advance…
You have to be sure of your move and your feelings.
If one of your main motivations for traveling and meeting your partner is to sleep with him or her, you are heading straight for the wall.
You need to take precautions not only in relation to sex but also in relation to your first meeting. Do not hesitate to take a look at this article that I wrote especially to answer the doubts of the first meeting.
Because if the meeting doesn’t go well, you’ll have other things to worry about than how the first time in a long distance relationship will go.
One thing is for sure: you have to talk about it with each other.
2) Talk about it with each other before you meet
This topic should not be taboo between you. Talk about it freely, without embarrassment or shame.
Don’t hesitate to use applications that delete messages (like Messenger or Snapchat) if you feel uncomfortable.
Not talking about it beforehand can create frustration, disappointment or even an argument when you first meet.
Simply express your feelings about it:
- « The door is not closed, let’s wait until we meet before making a decision »
- « Yes, I would love to do it! »
- « I don’t know… I think it’s better to wait several days to really get to know each other »
If you don’t talk about it and you absolutely don’t agree with it, you might feel a great disillusionment.
How to approach the subject?
If you both agree to do it, protect yourself
Sexually transmitted diseases are still taking their toll these days. In 2020, there were over 1.5 million people infected with the AIDS virus.
Don’t hesitate to ask the question and even get tested:
- For you
- Out of respect for your partner
3) Having sex on the first night in a long distance relationship is not a requirement
There are other ways to keep the flame alive and the relationship evolving.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.
If you feel that you are not ready, that you do not want to do it, that something unexpected is bothering you, then refuse.
You are free to use your body as you wish.
No one can force you to have sex. If your partner doesn’t agree with your decision, he or she will try to make you change your mind.
Weigh the pros and cons, hear his arguments but stay aligned with your principles and your morale. And everything will be fine!
4) There is no difference from a "classic" couple or a LDR couple for the first time sex
There is one thought that often comes to mind for LDR couples. I’m talking about the strange feeling of sleeping with someone you’ve never seen before.
Some people consider themselves « easy » girls or boys because they feel like they can give their bodies away quickly.
It seems legitimate. After all, there is no physical exchange.
However, this is a false belief that is hard to get rid of.
Let me give you my take on it and why I think it’s not a problem:
How many hours have you spent talking to your long distance love? Too many to count I guess.
Is it okay to still consider this person a stranger?
People get to know each other before they sleep together. For some, it only takes a few hours.
But do those few hours of physical contact outweigh the dozens or even hundreds of hours spent talking with your spouse?
Of course not.
From a distance, you have gotten to know each other. Really, deeply, because without physical contact you concentrate on your feelings, personality and way of thinking.
So don’t doubt anymore.
LDR couples are more thoughtful in this respect than most traditional couples.
5) Being a virgin makes no difference
I even think it’s a good thing. 30% of young women in couples say they regret their first time (and 16% of young men)
The pressure of « having » to do it usually leads them to do it without having any real feelings for the other person.
I don’t have proof of this, but I’m sure that these statistics are lower for LDR couples. And here’s why (in my opinion):
- When you first meet someone in a long-distance relationship, you’re usually of age.
You have more perspective on the situation and make more thoughtful decisions.
- Making the decision to meet for real after months (or even years) of virtual exchanges is not trivial.
It’s because feelings are involved. It’s because you deeply love this person, even if the love is only virtual for the moment.
So if you’re still a virgin, that shouldn’t be a hindrance to your first time sex in a long distance relationship.
If your partner is sweet, caring, loving and you feel good with him/her, there is no reason for it to go wrong.
Should I tell him/her that I am a virgin?
It all depends on how you feel.
If you’re afraid your partner will think you’re coming to him just to have sex for the first time, don’t tell him.
Instead, tell him a little later (don’t wait years!) and explain the reason for your « lie ».
If you are both virgins, be honest.
The relationship to sex and intimacy is so different for each country, it is difficult for me to give an objective answer.
6) What to do if you are very stressed about the first time sex in a long distance relationship that day?
What you usually do in stressful situations. Think back to the driver’s license exam, the announcement of your results at the end of a year or the job interview of your life.
How do you usually handle stress?
You are the one who knows how to handle stress. Better than anyone else!
So listen to your heart, listen to your feelings and go with the flow. Keep in mind that these are the most stressful times of transition.
I don’t recommend it for everyone, but sometimes having a little beer can help you feel less inhibited.
If you’re that party girl and old enough to drink, maybe it can help you relax. Drink in moderation!
7) Keep in mind that everything can be different in real life and at a distance
When we meet someone on the internet, we tend to idealize everything: the person, his behavior, his qualities, what he can bring to our lives and the common points we share.
This is quite normal.
When you make video calls with your partner, it is easier to hide the flaws and highlight the qualities. There are tons of testimonies of LDR couples on the internet who explain that they broke up within a few days after the first meeting.
So keep in mind that even if you have respected the first two points of this article, there is always the risk that there is a difference between discovering each other for real, and from a distance.
8) If you love your partner deeply from a distance, there is no reason to hold back
Here are 7 tips to put things in perspective for the first time sex in a LDR
1) Leave the negative thoughts aside, they are useless
2) He is not a stranger: you have been talking to him for hundreds of days.
3) If you have prepared yourself, there is no reason to stress.
4) Tell him to say « I love you ».
5) It is better to live with remorse than with regret.
6) Leave room for the desire of the moment.
7) Your time together is precious and precious. Soon you will be thousands of miles away again.
9) What do the statistics say about the first time sex in a LDR?
Serious studies on LDR couples are not comprehensive. There are a few, but they are getting old. That’s why I conducted my own study on the evolution of the problems of LDR couples.
So about the first time sex in a LDR, you can imagine that the mission was impossible.
But I did not give up! For the writing of this article, I did a lot of research on Quora, Reddit, LDR couples discussion forums, Facebook groups and within my community of readers.
Here are the stories that came up the most often and were the most liked:
- Most LDR couples had their first time on the first date
- Many did not wait very long: from a few hours to 1 or 2 days
- Disappointments are exceptional and not very common, even if they exist
You see, reunions are celebrated quite quickly!
Sometimes, love life and sex life intertwine very quickly.
So if you still think that everything is going too fast, put things into perspective, reread point No. 4 if people are judging you for this, and take the time to think about what you really want to do.
10) Don't forget to protect yourself!
We can’t say it enough! Protecting yourself is essential for two reasons:
- You are not taking the risk of having children.
- You don’t risk transmitting (or receiving) sexually transmitted diseases.
In general, keep a box of condoms in your bag. It can save you a lot of trouble!
Stress can be your ally
Have you ever wondered why we get stressed?
Why, when faced with certain situations, our heart starts to race so hard that it could rip itself out of our chest?
This happens when we bring importance and feelings to the situation.
If you are stressing about the first time sex in a long distance relationship, it’s because you believe in the relationship.
That it is important to you, that you believe a love is lasting.
Wouldn’t you find it even stranger not to stress about your first sexual encounter?
All couples in love who have definitely broken the distance have gone through this. Including me.
And soon, it will be your turn. So smile!
It means your long-distance relationship is evolving and worth it.
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We are Léo & Kyomi, a French-Peruvian couple in a long distance relationship since 2019. Welcome to this blog entirely dedicated to this way of life.
We decided to create
My Sweet LDR
to help people who want to live their relationship serenely and who don’t know how to do it.
To read our entire story
you can click just here !