I’m sad - My Long Distance Boyfriend did nothing for my birthday
In August, it’s my LDR girlfriend’s birthday. And when she had to tell her parents and friends « my long distance boyfriend didn’t do anything for my birthday », it broke her heart.
She thought I didn’t care about her, that I didn’t love her anymore and that our long distance relationship was doomed.
That happened in 2020. As you read this, we are still together, happier than ever.
So how did we handle the situation? You’ll find out in this article.
And even better: you’re going to get the perspective of someone who hasn’t already done anything for his girlfriend’s long-distance birthday.
It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from others. Let’s get started!
For an ever more fulfilling long distance relationship, you can read these articles:
My solution for dealing with the lack of your partner
Here we are: it’s your birthday and more than the messages from your loved ones, you are impatiently waiting for your partner’s.
You let a few hours pass. With the time difference or his busy schedule, you understand that he doesn’t think about it right away.
But… nothing.
He sends you a message, wishes you all the best, and quickly moves on.
But you’re annoyed. You expected a little more.
How to react when your long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for your birthday?
First of all, don’t react on the spot. By creating an argument, you will not solve anything.
- But be cool and a little distant.
- Do you usually put smileys in your messages? Take them out.
- Take more time to answer him
- You can even see his messages and let some time pass before replying.
The goal here is for him to understand that something is wrong. That you are not well. He should quickly understand that it has something to do with your birthday.
Generally speaking, let him take the initiative to talk about it.
If he cares about you and knows he screwed up, he will.
My long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for my birthday: what does that mean?
I’m going to be pragmatic here. For me, there are only 2 main cases:
1) He still has feelings for you
« My long-distance boyfriend didn’t do anything for my birthday, does that mean he no longer has feelings for me? »
No.
There are many reasons why he may have forgotten about you. Loss of feelings is just one of them.
Yes, it is possible that this is the main reason. But it is not systematic. I am living proof of this!
This is what happened to me personally, as I told you in the introduction.
I just didn’t have any gift ideas and used distance as an excuse.
Your long-distance boyfriend may be in this situation. Here are several reasons why he may not have done anything for your birthday.
- He doesn’t know you well enough yet: your tastes, your passions, your habits…
- His culture is different from yours: if you live in two parts of the world
- Constraints have prevented him from doing something: family, a trip…
- He didn’t have any gift ideas: like me.
If you still have doubts, there are plenty of little signs that you may not notice that prove the contrary!
2) He doesn't take your relationship seriously
LDR couples think about this, first. And it’s legitimate. If your long-distance boyfriend hasn’t done anything for your birthday, it may be on purpose.
We give time, energy and effort to the people we love. Don’t leave it open to interpretation.
To get a clear answer, you need to talk to him or her about it and ask the question. Be careful not to make a big mistake!
How do you talk about the fact that your long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for your birthday?
Let me be clear: don’t deal with it via text. Video calls are superior in every way.
Messages aren’t engaging enough: you can take your sweet time responding, and emotions are hard to convey.
You need to call each other. Not necessarily on a video call, but at least on the phone. That’s the best way to solve this type of problem.
That way, you’ll have an easier time knowing if he’s sincere and why he didn’t put enough effort into your birthday. You will also be more likely to keep your cool and listen to him.
In my experience, my girlfriend and I always resolved our conflicts faster when we FaceTime.
What should I say to her so that this never happens again?
When you call, I advise you to tell him how you felt and the emotional state in which it plunged you. The idea is not to make him feel guilty, but to make sure it never happens again.
You can do this in several ways. Here are 5 of them:
1) Describe your emotional state
You can tell him about your day and how it was ruined. Explain the difference between your expectations and reality. Put your brain aside and let your heart speak.
You can easily tell if you are an emotional person or not.
2) Talk to him coldly (and without aggression)
If you are used to always being smiley or calling him by a little nickname, keep your distance (no pun intended).
If when you call, your long-distance boyfriend doesn’t feel like anything has changed, he won’t realize that he has caused you a lot of pain.
3) Discuss the consequences of this oversight
The drop in esteem, the doubt about the future, the veracity of his feelings… Each person reacts differently to a huge disappointment.
Express your feelings on this and take time to detail each point.
This will have the advantage of making him understand the stakes of your long distance relationship and of reassuring you at the same time.
4) Describe your day
From the time you get up to the time you go to bed.
Give him details about what you did:
Whether you looked at your phone every 10 minutes to the point of wondering if you still had internet, the moments of endless waiting, the hope you had throughout the day.
This is a great way to get your message across, especially if your boyfriend is empathetic.
5) Reverse the situation: "What if I'm the one who forgot your birthday?"
Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is paramount to resolving conflict in a long distance relationship.
Again, don’t make them feel guilty or like you are attacking them.
By simply asking him how he would have reacted if you hadn’t done anything for your birthday, he would better understand how you felt.
This is a powerful technique that too few couples use.
How should I react if he tells me he didn't have any ideas for gifts?
It’s entirely possible that he’ll say this, or something similar:
- « I never have any ideas, I’m not creative »
- « I took care of it too late »
- « The remote gift ideas I had were not feasible »
I had answered number 3. It wasn’t convincing, as you can imagine.
At this point, there’s no point in pushing your partner further down.
Instead, it’s better to understand how he went about researching gifts and help him come up with ideas.
You are on a blog of a long distance couple who went through these stages. I’ve already listed plenty of dematerialized gift ideas to send online.
Even if his birthday is in 5 minutes, you can still get him something.
I sell Ebooks of 365 questions / answers on my blog.
They are instantly downloadable, for example.
You’ll just have to email them to her for an original and romantic virtual remote gift.
My long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for my birthday: the most important thing is his reaction afterwards
You know what I did after my girlfriend’s birthday to make up for it?
I didn’t know how to show her that my feelings hadn’t changed, and that I wanted to be involved in our relationship.
I created a list of 26 challenges to do from a distance.
When she knew that for the next 26 weeks, we would do a different activity or challenge together, she was very moved.
But more than that, she was relieved.
Because my girlfriend understood in that moment that I had put in the work, and that I was willing to keep doing it.
Just remember one thing:
If your partner doesn’t do anything for your anniversary, you’ve made it clear that this has affected and hurt you tremendously, and after that he doesn’t do anything special for you, it doesn’t smell good for your long distance relationship.
In other words, your emotional state doesn’t get to him that much.
You won’t be able to change the past. So move forward to get the future you deserve.
Download my 26 LDR Challenges and Activities
One idea done every week
= 6 months of activities
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Hello !
We are Léo & Kyomi, a French-Peruvian couple in a long distance relationship since 2019. Welcome to this blog entirely dedicated to this way of life.
We decided to create
My Sweet LDR
to help people who want to live their relationship serenely and who don’t know how to do it.
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